Ok this is a bit ridiculous...

Ok so I just found a new blog and it is a little ridiculous and hilarious all at the same time. Check it out. http://mormonbachelorpad.blogspot.com/

Today I am Grateful

I have gotten the feedback from my very favorite person that I continually think negative thoughts and I am very cynical. So...here is to being positive. I am a beautiful, powerful, giving woman. Sometimes I forget that. I have moved mountains before to make stuff happen. I know that anything I am struggling with I can overcome. I am grateful for all of the lessons that I am currently learning.

I am grateful for....

*Chocolate covered strawberries...the kind with the white chocolate swirls. Yummy!
*My mom who is so dedicated to her children. Thank you for always thinking of me.
*School and the opportunities that await me.
*My nanny kids and for the huge hugs and kisses I received this morning. What a way to start my work day.
*Jordan and his NEVER ending patience. I am grateful that he can handle me even when I am being a total shit.
*Music--I love that at any moment while driving I can be grounded, I can scream, I can dance my ass off, or I can cry. Music inspires me.
*Fall and the beauty it brings. I love all the colors of the leaves right now.
*Sundays and relaxing with my sweetie.
*My car for always being so reliable.
*Perry for being such a great teacher and inspiring me to save, save, save.
*Amy for trusting me with her most precious baby boy and allowing me to start a career.
*Rachie for always making me laugh.

I am whole, healthy, happy, and healed. What could be better than that?

Consumed

I am so overwhelmed right now. I am feeling so weighed down and yet NOTHING is putting a fire under my ass. School is feeling like a huge ton of bricks on my shoulders. My body is wiggin out on me and just hurts everywhere. I know it's the stress and the overwhelming feelings I am feeling right now. I am consumed by thoughts of being caught up and possibly ahead with homework. Also, I'm consumed by thoughts of winning the lottery and not stressing about work and/or missing work. I am ready to go to the beach and drink wine and get a massage. Who is coming with me?

I miss my friends

It's true. I miss them so much it hurts. I had it so good in Arizona and even though I was aware of it, I thought there was a chance that the grass might be greener on the other side. Lately, I question myself constantly, about everything. One of my big questions is "why the hell did I move to Utah?" Now there were several reasons why I thought Utah was going to be the best choice I had ever made before....1) I would only be a 3 hour drive from my nieces and nephews 2) I would be close to the majority of my siblings 3) I'd have more opportunities to staff at GL ..and the big bonus was that a certain man had come into my life in the midst of the moving frenzy. It was definitely necessary and worth it for me to move here so that our relationship could evolve further.

I'm ready to go back or bring my friends, job, and bosses to SLC. I miss the support system that I had there. I am so lonely here in Utah. I have friends but they are not the same kind of friends that I had in AZ. All of my friends here in Utah are busy all of the time and most of them do not live close by. I feel like I continually make an effort to be invested and I never feel like it is reciprocated. So I'm to the point that I have pretty much stop trying.

The really frustrating part of all of this is that it is causing a big problem in my relationship with the person I care most about. When I'm feeling sad and lonely, the last thing I want him to do is go out with his friends...yep his friends that are a few minutes away, the ones he calls his best friends. Anytime he wants to go do something I make it hell for him. I make him feel guilty. I basically pull out all of the shots. I hate that I do it and I know he definitely hates it.

I am at a loss and I feel so alone.