Boredom

So today is dragging on FOREVER! I got next to NO sleep last night. Work is really slow...typically when I come back back from my hour lunch, I have LOTS of emails and a few voicemails...today I had none! I went to lunch with two of my co-workers and made the mistake of drinking a beer which has now made me want a nap. At lunch we discussed several things...one of which was politics. I am still unclear about who I am voting for this fall. I had made up my mind but now I am starting to flip back and forth. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
Soooo...I'm excited to work this weekend. Jordan will be out of town for the majority of the weekend so he won't be distracting me. =) My second job can be a little stressful but most of the time I have some great stories to tell. I am a crisis manager for a company that provides 24 hour care to teens/adults with physical and mental disabilities. Most of the clients are high functioning with personality disorders and such. We do have some crazy clients though. My favorite was last weekend...I got a call on the emergency phone regarding one of the new clients that had left the home without permission. There was only one staff member working so she could not leave the other clients to follow the client. I went to find the client and found that he was in a motorized wheelchair. Well, the wheelchair would not fold down so I couldn't put it in my car so I had to drive 5 mph behind the client to make sure that he went home. We ran into a few detours on the way but eventually made it back to his house. I wish I had had a videotape to record this situation because it was actually quite humorous. I think I'm going to start taking one of our clients to church. She is LDS but her family wants staff to take her instead of them. I figure why not get paid to go to church? Haha...I'm definitely going to hell. I'm a little nervous to take her because she has been known to yell out words like "pornography" during the meetings. I'm sure I will have some good stories to tell. Anyway, I really need to make some cash and fast so that I can hurry up and pay off some of my bills. I would really like to take a trip to Mexico with the girls in the near future...that will of course require some money and a lot more than the last trip. (15 hour drive vs. 5 hour drive)
I am very excited for my trip to AZ next month. I miss my kids like crazy and I can not wait to spend time with my girlies. The heat is probably going to kill me since I have been living in freaking amazing weather the past 4 months but none the less it will be amazing because I will be surrounded by my faves!

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."

I have made the choice to block everyone out today. I turned off my phone and I have no desire to talk to anyone. I know deep down that I am not dealing with my emotions in an orderly fashion but I just want to be numb. The lyrics from a song by The Fray keeps playing over and over in my head..."Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...." I know that I made the right decision and it just sucks...sucks, sucks, sucks! I am struggling because I know that I did not show up in the relationship the way that I could have. I knew on Tuesday that this was a temporary thing and I knew I could not drag it out any longer because there was another person involved whose feelings were on the line....and now that everything has been said and done, I am feeling like a huge part of me is missing. I want to run to Arizona and just ignore life as I've known it the past few months. So I guess where I'm at right now is I can run and hide or I can take this as a blessing and learn and grow from it. Anyway, just in a shitty place.

Frustration

I just had a fabulous weekend and now I am having a horrible Monday. I feel like I can not please anyone right now. I know that I should not be focussed on pleasing others but I am a people pleaser and I am just being one with what is. Last week I made the decision to get clear about who I am and where I am going and I have had moments of clarity but there has not been a huge shift. I am frustrating several people in my life by holding off on this. There are times that I think about how much easier it would be to just move back to Arizona right now. I know that I would be running if I did but it just sounds so convenient. Money struggles would vanish, my best friends would be within a few minutes of my house, my room in my old house is available again, and my job is sitting there waiting for me to return. (This sounds especially great right after B has visited.) I know that I get to work through this because it will only make me stronger but right now I'm ready to run.